


i'm tired, most days

by tarot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Bullying, Depression, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/F, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gender Identity, Healing, Mental Health Issues, Prosthesis, Sexuality, Sharing a Bed, Teen Romance, Who knows where this is going, almost every character, i actually have no idea what im doing but yall seem to like it, i appreciate that a lot, not me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 22:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4155096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarot/pseuds/tarot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know what?"<br/>"What?"<br/>"I think - I think meeting you is one of the best things that have ever happened to me."<br/>"You hated me at first."<br/>"Not anymore."<br/>(lapidot highschool au)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the set-up

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece of writing I've posted, so be gentle! :3c  
> Some characters are probably OOC, and either it's completely my fault, or it's just the fact that a lot of these characters have barely 15+ sentences of dialogue for the, like, 2-ish episodes they were in.  
> Still, I hope you enjoy!  
> (sorry there's nothing all-that "ship-y" this chapter,,)

“Lapis!”

The shout almost made the poor girl piss herself. She jolted upright in her desk, suddenly staring straight into the face of her teacher – Opal.

It wasn’t a shout, really, just speaking in her normal voice, but a lot louder than usual. And Lapis was jumpy, and not actually much of a deep sleeper, either.

Usually, the tall teacher was rather calm in demeanor, managing to teach her class without really speaking all that much. Normally, she would let Lapis passing out during class every once in a while slide. But by now she had passed out during class every day for the past two weeks.

Apparently, Opal had had enough.

Scared only of Opal at first, and then mortified because of the faint giggles she could hear coming from Jasper and Sugilite’s direction, Lapis leaned back in her seat and ducked her head, biting her lip. Being embarrassed around them was always a million times worse than being embarrassed in front of basically anyone else.

“Er... Sorry.” She muttered. Her cheeks felt hot and her stomach felt all twisted up. She wouldn’t have minded messing up, if only she were in a classroom full of different people.

Opal backed away a little bit, expression unreadable. As always.

“I need to speak with you after class.” She said. More muffled laughter from Jasper and her friends. More blushing, more stomach churning.

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

…

Finally, after the bell and everyone else had left, Lapis approached Opal’s desk, head bowed.

“Yes, Opal?”

The woman was reading something on her computer. Without looking up, she began to type something in. Lapis had always noticed how graceful the quiet woman was, even while just doing usual things. She wasn’t really sure what Opal was planning on saying to her. How much trouble was she in? Was Opal writing up a report right now? Was she going to send it to the principle?

Opal had stopped typing, and seemed to be reading something again. Lapis held her breath.

She really didn’t need to draw stuff out for so long.

“You are failing most of your classes.”

Lapis felt the tension release from her shoulders. Opal must have her report card up. Or... something.

“Yes… I am…” She stuttered out.

That was such a lame thing to say. Why would she even say that?

“Well,” Opal said, “I’ve decided to get you a tutor. You need extra help.”

“What? Are you serious?” Lapis’ eyes widened. “What do you – who!?”

“Of course I am. You cannot remain in this school with a GPA like this. She will be another second year, like you, most likely.”

 _“Ugh.”_ Lapis groaned, putting her face in her hands. She didn’t want to have to deal with a total stranger. Her only friend was a first year, so even if she knew this tutor kid, they probably already hated her, thanks to Jasper. Or they would, once they got to know her.

“…Listen, Lapis.” Opal reached out to rest a gentle hand on the girl’s forearm. Surprised, she looked up.

“We’ve all been worried about you. I know how some of the girls here treat you, and then when your grades dropped, and I noticed you obviously haven’t been getting enough sleep... We all just want to make sure you’re okay.”

The genuine caring and concern in Opal’s eyes and voice shocked Lapis. They… noticed?

_How?_

_They just yell at me, they just get mad when fall asleep or do poorly – but now she finally wants to know if I’m okay?_

_I’m not. I haven’t been all year. I’m better, but I’m still not. Why didn’t they bother checking up on me earlier? I live here, for god’s sakes. They saw me every day. They didn’t see what I did, but they saw me every day._

_They could have been too late._

_There’s no way they actually care. There’s no way._

“Lapis? _Are_ you okay?”

She had been staring at Opal for at least thirty seconds now, fighting off her tears. Did this woman really care about her? Could she confide in her? Couldn’t she just, right now, let it all spill out? Just finally _fucking_ talk about it?

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you su–?”

“Yes.”

“…Alright. I’m always here for you, you know.”

Lapis didn’t respond, just stared straight ahead, her face blank. Her mind too.

“I don’t know what your relationship with your family is like, but I’ve noticed you don’t talk very much during and outside of class. I’ve only seen you with that Steven boy, and never when his other friends are around. I think, with the girl I have in mind, it will be a chance for both of you to make a new friend. I think this will really help you in more ways than one.”

Lapis’ thoughts from about the first sentence Opal uttered then and onward were basically just continuous screaming.

“I’ll arrange for you to meet in the library during your lunch period tomorrow. From then on, you will study together every day – for almost every class, I might add, and it may be a good idea to work in your dorms in the afternoons as well. I’ll email you the details in the morning.”

Lapis was still screaming internally, and although she would never want to do this in a million years, there wasn’t actually much she could do about it. Even though Opal wasn’t all _that_ intimidating, she still didn’t want to make her angry. She didn’t want to make anybody angry.

_“…for almost every class, I might add…”_

Oh, _Christ,_ she was definitely going to make this tutor mad. She has _so_ much work to do helping her! And it sounds like Opal’s forcing her into it!

 _She is so_ _going to hate me,_ Lapis thought. _There’s no way I won’t be a huge burden to her. God dammit, I’m such a piece of shit, this is all my fault._

...

Beach City Academy, home of the Crystal Gems, is a private high school in which only brilliant students excelling in academics and/or athleticism are enrolled. _Lapis_ was no longer excelling in academics, and although she was a great swimmer, the thought of joining the school’s swim team terrified her (mainly the fact that she could fail, and that Jasper and her goons were members, and that she could fail in front of Jasper and/or Jasper’s goons, etc.), so she made do with just being a volunteer lifeguard when the pool was being used for recreational activities.

So, Lapis was on the verge of being kicked out of her school.

Failure was one of Lapis’ worst fears, and although she _really_ wanted to go home sometimes, going home a failure was not an option. She had to graduate this private school, then go to _another_ fancy private school, and then get a very public, very high-paying job or her mother would call her useless more often than she usually did. Which was a lot. And she didn’t want to be useless. She wanted her mother to be proud of her.

“You’re going to the library? Hey, Connie works at the library!”

Lapis had just explained why she was taking her lunch to-go to her literal one-and-only pal, Steven. Usually the two of them sat together (because Steven would always call her over when she was alone), along with two of Steven’s other friends, Amethyst and Connie. They were both first-years, just like Steven. Amethyst intimidated Lapis with her loudness and the fact that she seemingly had no filter over what she said (she was kind of gross, too, always chewing with her mouth open), so she didn’t really talk to her much during lunch.  Connie seemed nice, but her and Steven were so blatantly in love ( _were_ they dating? it almost felt like their relationship transcended romantic vs. platonic feelings entirely) that it was hard for her to talk to them while they were together because it felt like she was intruding.

“Yeah, but it’s more of a volunteer thing. They don’t pay me. They’re cheap.” She smiled, holding out her juice box to Steven.

“Apple juice?”

“Yes, please, Jam Bud!”

He took a sip, then turned back to Lapis. “Well, I’m going to miss eating with you, Lapis! Maybe we can hang out after class again sometime soon.”

“Um, yeah, I’d like that, Steven.” Lapis couldn’t help but smile shyly. Steven was the type of person to say exactly what someone needed to hear to feel cared for without having to even think about it. She was worried she wouldn’t be able to see him at all anymore without having lunch together.  

“See you later.” Lapis said, turning towards the exit of the cafeteria, her tray in her hands, her bag over her shoulder.

“Bye, Water Witch!”

Lapis chuckled a little at the nickname. He started calling her that ever since they first became friends. He had approached her at the pool, one thing led to another, and then they were having multiple competitions including a violent splash-off and a race from one end of the pool to the other. Lapis was, unlike most would assume, extremely competitive and aggressive. Steven barely had a chance.

Lapis had won both.

Lapis had won both by a lot.

She was thinking back on then, those few good times she got to experience this year thanks to Steven, when she finally entered the library. She said a quiet hello to the usual librarian, Sapphire, who nodded in response, before looking around to find her tutor. Still reminiscing, she spotted the only other girl in the room, seated at a table, and began to walk towards her.

“Don’t get that on anything.” Sapphire said, in reference to the food she had brought.

“I won’t!” Lapis said, slowing in her pace towards her new tutor.

_What was her name again…? Ugh, Lapis, you literally just read the email this morning! It starts with a P… Holy shit, how could I forget so easily? Come on, I know this…_

Now standing beside her, Lapis really had to say _something_. “Uh…”

The girl looked up. Lapis was about to introduce herself, but first was struck by the girl’s appearance. She had these huge, forest green eyes. Her glasses just helped exaggerate her long eye lashes even more. Lapis could see faint dark freckles across the girl’s nose. She wore a long-sleeved sweater vest, the collar of the shirt underneath sticking out, a checkered blue and black skirt, as well as thigh-high black socks, fitting the criteria of the school’s dress-code. Her pale yellow hair was messy, made into a bun, but a lot of it was coming loose and it kind of made it look like a triangle standing on top of her head.

Then the girl’s name popped into Lapis’ mind.

_Peridot._

All these things about this girl just had Lapis staring, at a loss for words. Until she realized how pissed off the girl actually looked. And how she was probably pissed off at her.

“Are you Lapis?” She asked. She had a raspy, grumpy voice.

“Um, y-yes, sorry.” Lapis replied, awkwardly pulling up a chair and sitting down. She began to get out her books, refusing to look at the girl again. She was still in a daze, she wasn’t sure if she could look at someone as aesthetically pleasing as this Peridot girl again yet so soon.

“It’s, uh, nice to meet you.” Lapis said, once she had everything in order.

“Yeah, sure,” Peridot said rather coldly, reaching for her own bag. “What do you want to start with first?”

“Um, algebra… I didn’t understand the second chapter at all, and it comes up a lot in the next ones.”

“Fine.” She muttered, grabbing the right book and glaring down at the pages as she flipped through them.

Despite her completely adorable appearance, Peridot seemed to be… kind of an asshole. Lapis couldn’t blame her, but it was still disappointing. The girl either disliked her, or was suffering from a horrible case of bitch-face. And bitch-voice. And… bitch-words.

It quickly became apparent that Opal was _very_ wrong about them becoming friends. At least she wasn’t telling her she hated her directly, but the way she only said what was necessary to teach her, and how she never looked her in the eye, and her constant air of boredom and annoyance – it seemed as though Lapis was right.

She must have just thought Lapis was going to annoy her for the rest of the year. Or, at least until she gets her grades up.

Despite Lapis feeling as though she hadn’t wanted to get a tutor, in the back of her mind she guessed she still wished she could have at least gotten a friend. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could make it with only one other person to talk to. She had doubts this Peridot girl would ever warm up to her.


	2. hide and seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning, there's a lot of (non-sexual) harassment/bullying as well as a little bit of suicidal thoughts in this chapter. for those of you who are wary of that stuff.   
> also it's a bit longer than the first chapter!  
> anyways, here ya go ! (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

And so it went for the next week.

Lapis and Peridot would meet at the library, work and eat, and then go their separate ways. They didn’t chat about the weather or gossip or smile like the other girls that might meet up at the library.

They just worked.

Lapis _was_ seeing a change, though. Not in her grades just yet, but her ability to simply do and understand the work was improving. Opal and the other teachers were noticing, too. Understanding made her more confident, and being more confident made it easier for her to raise her hand more often in class. But it felt like such a waste to spend so much time with someone who obviously doesn’t enjoy being around you.

She didn’t talk to Steven as much as she had wanted to. The person she spent the majority of her time with disliked her. Her performance improved, but her happiness didn’t.

…

It was around 2:30 when it first began.

Lapis noticed a change in her classmates. She was in Mr. Universe’s class at the time. He was one of those teachers who gave out a bunch of work at the start of the hour, and then once the students finished it, he either let them fuck around for the rest of class or put some science-themed video up through the projector for them to watch.

During the fuck-around bit of class was when she noticed it. Jasper and Sugilite talking in hushed voices. Sugilite winking at Malachite across the room. Smirks shot in Lapis’ direction. She tried to ignore it.

After class was when the fear started setting in.

3 o’clock.

The bell had rung. Everyone was packing up and beginning to leave. Mr. Universe was talking with another student, busy. The smirks turned to stares. Their gazes were lingering for much too long. They weren’t leaving right away like they usually did. They were waiting. They were waiting for her.

The old fear came back. The old, fast heartbeat. The terrified feeling in her gut. The choking feeling in her throat, like she was about to cry. The overwhelming urge to run. The panic.

They hadn’t done anything to her since freshman year. It had been a _year_. They can’t bring this back and do this to her now. It was over.

But it wasn’t. She knew it wasn’t.

_Okay, I need a plan,_ Lapis thought. _I can’t stay in this classroom forever…_

_Can I go to Steven? – No, he said he was going to hang out with Connie right after school today. I can’t take the chance of him already being gone if I try to meet him in the hall... Dammit. Dammit!_

Slipping her last scrap of paper into her bag, Lapis quickly slung it over her shoulder and left the classroom. As she exited the door, she heard the scrape of three desks as Jasper and her friends got up.

She was in a hallway full of people. They couldn’t do anything in public. She walked fast, knowing they weren’t too far behind her.

Once Lapis turned a corner into an empty hall, she broke into a run. She took a direct route outside the main building, she didn’t want to get caught alone in a hallway. She could get dragged into a classroom, or a closet. Just like the first time.

_Just like the first time._

Lapis’ vision was blurred as she burst out onto campus grounds, tears streaming down her face. There was still a good amount of people around. She didn’t slow down for anything or anyone, although no one called out to her. Terror made her run faster. She made a beeline for the girl’s dorms, accidentally shoving past someone on the way, she wasn’t sure who, but she knew she had seen Lapis crying. The girl didn’t try to stop her. The only thing Lapis noticed was that she was very tall.

Finally she reached the dorm building, threw open the door, and raced inside. She was going to go to her dorm and lock herself inside when she ran straight into someone walking out of their own.

They caught her, gasping in surprise. Lapis struggled against them, sobbing. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she kept her head tilted downwards, away from the girl. She didn’t know who it was, she just felt the person’s hands on her shoulders, trying to hold her still. They got her. They got her.

“No, _please_ Jasper! It’s over, it’s over, and you don’t have to do this! It’s—“

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Lapis froze, realizing who the person was – Peridot. She looked from the girl’s pajama pants (she was much smaller and less muscular than Jasper or Sugilite), to her irritated – yet confused – face. When she saw Lapis’ tears and realization struck her, her gaze softened into… what?

Horror? Concern? She wasn’t sure. She still couldn’t read this girl yet. With every expression she made, her lips were turned down in a frown.

“H-here. Come inside.” Peridot grabbed Lapis’ hand, gently, and lead her into her room, shutting the door behind her, closing it quietly and standing near it to listen.

Lapis was shaking. She just stood in the middle of her tutor’s room, crying, holding her breath, and staring blankly at the wall.

They could both hear Jasper’s booming voice, even though Lapis wasn’t the one listening at the door.

“Where’d she go? Ugh, fucking Garnet. She just _had_ to try and slow us down.” Jasper could be heard snarling, along with two other sets of footsteps.

“She’s always getting her nose in where it doesn’t belong. Just like her mother.” Sugilite said. “Well… both of them, actually. Mostly the one with the bangs.”

Malachite didn’t say anything, but Lapis knew she was there.

They could hear knocking on a door down the hall.

“HEY, Lapis!” She jumped, even though Jasper was all the way down the hall. “I know you’re in there!”

“I just wanna’ _talk,_ pal, come on!”

Another pause.

Then there was a slam, presumably Jasper punching the wall (or the door).

“Oh, _fuck_ this!” Jasper spat.

“We’ll manage ta’ catch her next time, Jasp. Don’t worry about it. There’s always Monday.” Sugilite chuckled.

“I guess.” Jasper grumbled.

Their conversation topic changed to what they would be doing later tonight (“Maybe we could go chase some of the middle schoolers?” Sugilite offered) as they moved towards the exit. Lapis tensed up as their footsteps drew near Peridot’s door, shivering. She relaxed as their steps faded away and she heard the exit door of the building swing shut.

She heard Peridot step away from the door, towards her.

“Uh – hey…” She started. “You can, um, sit down… If you want.”

Shakily, Lapis walked to the bed and sat down.

Still dazed, she began to take in the girl’s dorm room. The walls were painted a dark, green-blue and the drapes at the window were pulled back, letting in the harsh sunlight from outside. A lamp in the corner of the room shone extra light on Peridot’s desk, on which was a small aquarium (she couldn’t tell what was in it), school supplies, a water bottle, and a laptop with a five-page word document open. Her bedspread was a dark gray, and she seemed to have a lot of pillows. There was a single stuffed animal on the bed, some red caterpillar thing – a Pokémon, Lapis thought – and then her dresser by the door. Across from her bed was a closet, like in every dorm. There were a lot of posters on the walls, and collectables from various video games and shows sitting around on top of every flat surface.

There were also a lot of plants. 

Most of them were just pure green bushes or trees, but a few had blossoming flowers. They hung from hooks on the ceiling, the walls, large ones sat in pots on the ground, and there were even a bunch of cactuses lined up on her desk and her dresser.

There was a lot of character in that room. It was a lot brighter than Lapis had expected. More life.

Although Lapis was taking it all in, she was still dazed. Barely registering it.

She was still terrified.

Peridot stood there for a moment, uncomfortable. She probably didn’t know much of what to do in this situation.

_I know I wouldn’t,_ Lapis thought.

Peridot moved to her desk and grabbed the water bottle, then sat down beside Lapis. She fidgeted for a moment, then offered it to her.

“Here.” She stammered. “I… know I already drank from it, but I’m not sick or anything.”

Lapis looked at the bottle, then at Peridot’s face. The girl quickly looked away, lifting a hand up to scratch her cheek. She looked worried, Lapis decided. She shifted her gaze back to the water, taking it. She slowly opened the cap and took a sip. It was hard to swallow.

“What happened?” Peridot suddenly inquired. She was still looking away from Lapis, and she was touching her hair a lot, curling the loose strands around her fingers.

“They… They followed me. And – you heard what they said. They…”

Lapis trailed off as new tears began to form. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Peridot reach towards her, and then hastily disguise the movement as her scratching the back of her neck. Lapis wiped the warm tears off of her cheek before she continued.

“They hurt me really bad freshman year.”

Peridot visibly tensed at this.

“I-I got involved in something I really shouldn’t have. Involving Jasper’s family. And something she did. It was stupid. It…” Lapis took a deep breath. “It never should have even happened.”

“Jasper… she started threatening me. Her and her friends. Cornering me, pinning me. Keeping me still while she whispered all the horrible things she would do to me, the stuff she would tell my parents, and the school. Putting me in my place.” Her voice shook, the sadness in her voice slowly giving way to anger.

“She spread lies. About… about me. That I was a cheat. A snitch. A home wrecker. So many different rumors – none of them were true. Whatever she could get into people’s heads. She turned everyone against me. One day, I just snapped. I screamed at her. I told her to stop. I was crying.

“She grabbed me, and… she started hitting me. A lot. At one point she had thrown me into a janitor’s closet. I thought it was going to last forever. But then, Garnet walked in. I think she’s a third year…? She got Jasper off of me, and then made sure the school knew about it. They… they didn’t kick her out. They suspended her for, like, a month or two. Then she was back. She didn’t touch me, but she just teased me, like how things were at the start of the year. I thought… I thought it was done. But I guess I was wrong. I mean, I honestly deserve to get beat up again. I deserve it.”

Lapis had a strange smile on her face as she said that, chuckling awkwardly through her sobs. She honestly believed it. What’s left for her? Nothing. Nothing even mattered anymore. The school, the people… Jasper would just hurt her and it wouldn’t even matter to anyone. She may as well just end it all, shouldn’t she–?

“No.” Peridot said, urgently. She had grabbed Lapis’ shoulder, leaned towards her, looking at her with wide eyes.

“Why the hell would you think that? Nobody deserves that. _You_ don’t deserve that!”

Lapis had felt brittle ever since she entered the room. Peridot’s words made her feel like she was breaking, cracks traveling down the sides of her very being. She suddenly latched onto Peridot, her head pressing against the other girl’s shoulder. She was sobbing and probably getting snot all over her tutor’s pink shirt, but she felt Peridot wrap her arms around her, and press her cheek against her hair.

“Listen, really, you don’t deserve that. Jasper is… Jasper doesn’t realize what she’s doing.” She said. Quickly, she added, “Not that what she did was okay, it’s just that… She doesn’t feel empathy, or guilt. She’s a sociopath. She doesn’t realize what she’s doing to you is wrong, because she only thinks that what she thinks matters. She does things for herself without thinking about the consequences, or how it would affect other people. And… Sugilite is just crazy, and Malachite has problems too. If their parents had just gotten them help, maybe they wouldn’t be horrible, but… They are. They’re horrible. Really, really horrible.”

“W-wait…” Lapis sniffed, pulling away from her so she could look her in the eye.

“You know them that well?” Her eyes widened.  “Are they your friends?”

Peridot grimaced and shook her head. “No, not anymore. Used to be.”

“Oh, o-okay…” Lapis looked away, and scooted backwards a bit.

They sat together in silence for a while, refusing to look at one another. Lapis was chewing her lip and staring at the sheets sadly. Peridot was still fidgeting, now that they weren’t touching anymore, and seemed to be trying to avoid letting her eyes dart around the room.

“Do you… want to sleep here, for tonight?” Lapis looked up. Peridot still was looking away.

Peridot cleared her throat. “If- if you feel unsafe staying in your dorm alone…”

She was rubbing the back of her hand, running her fingertips over the skin. She met Lapis’ gaze. She looked up at her, as though she wasn’t really sure if it would be okay to offer.  

“I can sleep on the floor.”

“Um, yeah… I-I want to do that.” Lapis said, smiling a little.

Peridot stared at her for a moment with a peculiar expression, then stood up and moved towards her dresser.

_What was that face?_ Lapis wondered. She watched Peridot as she was opening some drawers, looking for something. _Was it… a smile?_ Her eyes were soft and her eyebrows hadn’t been lowered like in her usual glare, but Lapis couldn’t tell if her lips were simply a straight line, or if they were lifted up at the corners just a tiny bit. _Maybe it was a smile,_ Lapis pondered, staring at the portion of skin exposed on the back of Peridot’s neck. _Kind of a scary one._ She was still staring, beginning to try to put the tone of Peridot’s skin into words. _Light brown with bronze undertones…_ She mused. _She has so many little freckles in the most random of places…_ But her thoughts were soon interrupted by Peridot tossing some bunched-up clothes at her.

“Wear these. I’m going to go and get some food. You like pepperoni pizza, right?”

“Oh- yeah! That’s my favorite.” Lapis said, smiling sheepishly.

For some reason, Peridot clenched her jaw and looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with her. “Alright, fine, I’ll go – get us a pizza…” Peridot quickly opened the door, nodded to Lapis, looking strained, and left.

Confused, Lapis looked down at the clothes she had given her. She was probably just embarrassed to have another person in her room or something. She could worry about it later, when Peridot came back.

For now, she held in her hands a bit of an oversized black t-shirt and a pair of running shorts. Comfy. She took off her messenger bag and rested it against the foot of the bed, kicked off her shoes, and then changed.

She was right.

It was very comfy.

It also smelled… strange. But a good kind of strange. She lifted the collar of the shirt to her nose and sniffed it. It smelled… Like Steven’s cologne. Why would Peridot wear men’s cologne?

She continued to smell the shirt, pacing around the room and examining all of Peridot’s decorations. It looked like she played a lot of video games, or at least she was a fan. There were posters ranging from Legend of Zelda to something called Dishonored _(?)_. Lapis wasn’t really sure, she wasn’t much of a gamer. She just knew that Peridot was, in fact, kind of a geek. The anime action figures kind of made that clear.

She was still wandering around with the shirt pressed against her nose when Peridot came back, opening the door.

“Hey, I brought the pizza, and I have some more water in the closet – “

“Why do you wear men’s cologne?” Lapis cut in. Her eyes were wide and her voice was innocent. She was genuinely curious. She had forgotten how she was usually terrified of asking people direct questions. The plants and the calm atmosphere of Peridot’s bedroom was putting her at ease.

“What?” Peridot blinked, confused. “Oh.” She said, understanding, glaring a little in Lapis’ direction. She shut the door behind her and stepped into the room.

“Because I want to.”

“But isn’t it for boys?”

“Just because something is marketed for boys doesn’t mean anyone who uses it will turn ‘masculine’, grow a beard, and have armpit-hair just as long. I use that brand for almost all the... hygienic, bathroom stuffs. Whatever. I like how it smells. Besides, that’s just the media’s version of a boy. It’s a personal preference, stupid.”

“Stupid?!” Lapis snapped, incredulous.

“Well, don’t gender scents, and then maybe you won’t get called stupid, stupid.” Peridot remarked flatly.

“Ugh!” Lapis groaned, tearing her hands from the fabric of the shirt as though to cast it away despite her wearing it. Irritated, she stomped up to Peridot, holding out her hand.

“Give me a piece of pizza.” Lapis demanded.

Peridot sighed loudly, rolled her eyes, and then opened the box for her. Lapis took a piece, moved pointedly across the room, and sat down neatly in the chair by the desk. She crossed her legs and took a bite.

“You’re welcome.” Peridot grumbled.

“Thank you.” Lapis said genuinely, smiling sweetly at Peridot to mock her. The desk chair was on wheels and could spin around, so she fidgeted in it by using her feet to spin from side to side, back and forth.

Peridot’s face flushed at her words and she moved towards Lapis, leaning across her to set the box on the desk. Lapis turned the chair sideways so she could reach, but Peridot was still stretched across her lap. Although they weren’t touching, her torso was hovering over her thighs, her shoulder just a few inches from her nose. Lapis tensed up, not sure how she felt about how close they were, but Peridot didn’t seem to notice.

The moment didn’t last long as Peridot took a slice for herself, glaring pointedly straight ahead as though she wouldn’t grace Lapis with her gaze. She backed away and took a seat on the bed. She angrily munched her pizza, obviously still annoyed with her roommate for the night.

They didn’t talk much the rest of the afternoon, just ate. Once they were finished they began to quietly work on their own projects. Homework, in Lapis’ case. Lapis laid across the bed with her books and a report to write a draft of, while Peridot typed who knows what into her computer for a few hours.

By nighttime, Peridot took a few pillows from the bed and a blanket she got from the closet and laid them out on the floor. After making sure the window was locked, she curled up. Lapis slid under the covers on the bed, pushing a lot of the extra pillows against the wall. How could Peridot sleep with so many of these, anyway?

After a moment of them laying in silence, Peridot spoke up.

“You know, I’m here for you if Jasper ever tries something again. I can walk you back to your dorm after class from now on, or… anytime else you don’t want to be alone. I…”

She stopped talking for a few seconds. She sounded really uncomfortable, like she was admitting to something she didn’t want to admit to. Lapis waited, holding her breath, unsure if Peridot was going to go on.

“You…” Peridot corrected, “You need to be safe.”

Lapis needed this. She needed somebody who voiced how they wanted to look after her. How they wanted her to be okay, that there was somebody who cared – at least a little bit. Peridot didn’t specifically say she _wanted_ Lapis to be safe, just that she ‘needed’ to be, and Lapis thought that that was just as good. Or, at least close enough.

“Yeah, okay.” Lapis whispered. “Thank you. Really.”

Peridot was silent. Lapis guessed the conversation was over. She could hear Peridot roll over, away from her. She brought the covers up to her chin, snuggling into the scent of Peridot’s sheets.

 It was so quiet in the room that night that they could hear one another breathing.

Lapis fell asleep listening to the slow, steady breaths of a sleeping Peridot. It was a relaxing, comforting lullaby. Did this count as a sleepover? Lapis couldn’t remember the last time she had a sleepover.

Anyway, Peridot was lucky she wasn’t snoring. Lapis would have made fun of her for it in the morning.


	3. an early morning chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sure how i feel about this chapter  
> but hey! still an early chapter. still ~world building~. you guys will have to worry about shit hitting the fan later on ig idk idk

“Hey, get up, clod.”

Lapis was awoken to the sound of Peridot calling her some insult she had never heard before. She could feel her tutor’s strangely cold hand pressed against her waist, gently shaking her out of her sleep. She didn’t open her eyes, just stretched and let out a big yawn. Peridot continued to shake her.

“Seriously. How late are you going to sleep?”

“What time is it?” Lapis mumbled, rolling over onto her side towards Peridot, her eyes still squeezed shut.

As soon as she faced her, Lapis felt Peridot’s hand lift away from her side.

“It’s 6:20.”

Upon hearing this, Lapis instantly began to whine.

“But it’s a Saturday!” She argued.

“Yeah, and _Jasper_ doesn’t get out of bed until around eight on Saturdays, so you better get moving before she finds you in the showers, and beats the shit out of you.” Peridot snapped.

Lapis’ eyes flew open, staring at Peridot. It felt like she had just struck her.

Peridot’s eyes widened, and she stepped back under the weight of Lapis’ gaze. Then she looked down at the ground, ashamed. Lapis could see the faint markings of a blush on Peridot’s cheeks as she rubbed her face with her hands, grimacing.

“Listen, I…” She stammered, jerkily moving her hands back down to her sides, and then back up to her face. “That’s not what I meant. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I’m just _saying_ —“

“It’s okay!” Lapis cut in, “Really.”

She sat up on the bed. She stared at her hands clenched together in her lap and bit her lip.

“You’re – kind of harsh, and I know you don’t really mean it. I can tell.” She looked up at Peridot, smiling softly. Peridot stared at her with wide eyes, peeking out from behind her hands.

“I just haven’t really talked to anyone like you in a while. If – if you say something that actually bothers me, I’ll let you know, but you obviously didn’t mean that. Just… try to be easier on me? It’s still a sensitive topic.”

“Yeah!” Peridot said, flustered, clasping her hands together as she let her arms fall. Despite her taking a step forward, it still looked like a very defensive position. “I’m, uh… I’m sorry.” She sighed.

“Don’t worry.” Lapis said softly, still smiling. “I forgive you.”

Lapis got to her feet. She stretched again, reaching upwards. She had slept surprisingly well that night, for being in a bed that wasn’t hers. She rubbed the last of the sleep out of her eyes before looking at Peridot, who she was surprised to find already dressed and freshly showered. She was wearing black jeans today and a button-up white shirt, which was tucked in with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her glasses were back on, of course. Peridot didn’t seem like the type of person to own contacts.

It was a pretty simple outfit, compared to what most students wore on weekends. During classes the students of Beach City Academy were required to wear semi-formal attire, no bright colors – only blacks, whites, grays, pale yellows, and dark blues. This resulted in the teens going all-out on their fashion choices during weekends.

Raising an eyebrow, Lapis asked, “Did you already get ready?”

Peridot bit her lip, turning away from Lapis. She moved to brush a strand of hair out of her face even though there wasn’t any there.

“Yeah. I mean, I left a note, and I was only gone for around half an hour.” Peridot said.  “I’ve been back since five-forty. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Well… why?” Lapis asked, tilting her head, confused. That meant she was up at 5:10!

_On a Saturday!_

“Because – I don’t know, I just like showering in private, I guess.” Peridot spat, still glaring away from her, towards the ground. She wasn’t saying it as though she was angry, just flustered. She was standing strangely, too, shifting her legs to squeeze them together tightly a few times.

Lapis was still curious, but decided it would be best to just leave her be. They weren’t even really that close yet, after all, and it was common to be shy about that kind of stuff. They hadn’t really gone to bed that late, but it still seemed like Peridot had gone out of her way to get up so early.

Lapis, of course, felt bad. It _was_ her fault, right?

There wasn’t much she could do about it now, though, and it was Peridot’s choice. She still felt bad though. She was already invading Peridot’s dorm, she didn’t want to be a bother.

Peridot had walked away for a bit, grabbing a small bag of bathroom necessities from on top of her dresser and handing it to Lapis. It had shampoo, conditioner, body wash – and most, if not all, was from a men’s brand (as expected).  It was still a little wet. Peridot also retrieved a towel, a light pink shirt, and a pair of light blue jeans to give her.

“You can use these, if you want. And the clothes should fit you, they’ve been getting a little small on me.” Peridot said.

“Thanks—oh, wait! I need to go grab my toothbrush, still.” Lapis said, looking up.

“Uh… oh. I mean, I guess you don’t have to use all of that, then.” Peridot said quickly. “You can just get yours if you want, since you’re, uh, going to your dorm, ha…” She laughed uncomfortably, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Oh, no! That’s fine. I’ll just grab my toothbrush and my comb on the way! I like how you— _your,”_ Lapis corrected with a start, stumbling over the word, feeling her face heat up, “uh— _stuff_ —smells.”

Internally, Lapis kicked herself. At first she at least made an attempt to save herself, but ‘stuff’ could have _maybe_ been alright to say if she was holding _just_ the bathroom stuff, but she was also holding Peridot’s _clothing_ stuff. That was a lot of stuff.

“A-alright.” Peridot smiled, still rubbing her neck, but her lips were turned upwards a little. Lapis thought she could see her blushing too. She was beginning to be able to read Peridot’s expressions more and more, and that made her happy.

But she still wanted to run and hide. Although, at the same time, it was nice. She was embarrassed, but Peridot was smiling, right? She wasn’t weirded out. Maybe she didn’t hear. Maybe she was just ignoring it.

_Yeah, let’s just go with that last one._ Lapis thought.

They stood there for a moment, smiling at each other in awkward silence, both visibly embarrassed.

Peridot was the first to say something.

“Erm… Well, we really should go. I’m assuming you want me to go, so you’re not on your own.” Peridot said, letting her arm fall to her side, that teensy smile, unfortunately, fading from her lips.

“Oh, yeah! Let’s go.”

Lapis padded over to the door, opened it, and headed out. Lapis face was still hot and she was smiling on their way out, but she still wasn’t entirely sure if she should have been.  

…

Approximately five minutes later, the two of them had arrived.

The boys and girls dorm buildings each had their own community showers – kind of like there would be in a locker room. There was a line of sinks on one side of the long room, and stalls separated by dark shower curtains on the other. There was a larger, handicap stall with a chair in it at the very end of the room. Inside each stall was a little shelf to place the student’s soaps, and a larger shelf to place their clothes or a towel.

The room was empty. Peridot’s claim that Jasper would still be sleeping must have been accurate for the rest of the girls as well.

Lapis smiled and nodded to Peridot before picking a stall, stepping in, and pulling the curtain shut with a swish.

She put her things in the shelves. Lapis undressed quickly, being sure not to let any of Peridot’s clothes trail on the ground and get wet. She could hear Peridot turn on and off one of the sinks on the other side of the curtain, probably to wet a toothbrush. Lapis switched on the water in the shower. She waited a moment outside the water’s reach until she deemed it warm enough, and stepped in.

Peridot began to speak, raising her voice above the sound of the water.

“How long is this shower going to take?”

Lapis smiled, responding in an equally loud voice, “Five minutes! Probably.”

Lapis loved the water – swimming in it, or just being near it. Water was one of her most favorite things. She was often scolded at home for taking such long showers, but she decided it would be best to take a short one now. For Peridot’s sake. Plus, Lapis felt a little weird having her outside just waiting for her.

It did take five minutes. And when those five minutes were up, Lapis stepped out of the shower. Her hair was in a towel, and she was dressed in the clothes Peridot had given her. She hadn’t realized it at first, but the shirt was a loose crop top that exposed a small part of her belly. Looking in the mirror outside the stall, Lapis actually thought she looked cute. The clothes suited her and even she, for some reason, looked nice that day. Even the white flats she had left in Peridot’s dorm would match with this outfit. Lapis hadn’t thought about herself as looking anything close to nice in a long while.

“You don’t seem like the type to wear a crop top very often,” Lapis teased, glancing at Peridot, who was leaned against the wall beside the paper towel dispensers. She was looking around the room like she was disgusted, for some reason. She glanced at Lapis for just a moment to respond.

“I didn’t wear it very often.”

Lapis placed the bag of shower things and the pajamas she had borrowed next to a sink and wetted her toothbrush. She squeezed on a drop of toothpaste and began to brush her teeth.

“Why did you dye your hair?” Peridot asked suddenly.

Lapis turned to look at her, continuing to brush. Peridot just looked curious. Lapis told herself she wasn’t teasing her. She wasn’t entirely sure why she expected everything Peridot said to be aggressive, either. Well, at least not anymore.

She spit into the sink and rinsed off her brush before replying.

“I don’t know, I just – did it, I guess? It was last year.”

Lapis pulled the towel off of her head, and then began to dry her hair with it. After that, she reached for her hairbrush and began to comb it.

Quietly, Peridot added another question.

“Why blue?”

Lapis had finished brushing her hair. She gathered up all of her things, passing the clothes back to Peridot. She smiled.

“I like blue.”

…

They both walked back to Peridot’s dorm.

Lapis slipped on her shoes. Peridot put away the things she had let her borrow. The whole time, she was complaining about how she hated public bathrooms, that the showers _and_ toilets here were gross, and that the hair that always gathered in the drains made her want to puke. Lapis just nodded along, smiling a little as she finished her rant. She swung her messenger bag over her shoulder. Peridot angrily chucked the dirty clothes into a basket and smashed the closet door shut. They turned to each other. Lapis was standing with her back to the door. Peridot was on the other side of the room.

They just stood there, for a while.  

“I guess I should leave you alone, now.” Lapis said, chuckling. She lifted a hand to her face to scratch a spot on her cheek that wasn’t itchy.

“Having you here–it… it didn’t bother me.” Peridot said, wringing her hands together, struggling to maintain eye contact with the blue-haired girl. It sounded like she was trying to reassure the other girl, despite the awkward wording.

“I’m not sure I want to leave.” Lapis said quietly, frowning. She felt a quiet thought about how she probably shouldn’t have said that tugging at the back of her mind. She normally wouldn’t have said something as honest as that so easily. She wasn’t really sure what was going on with her, lately. She wasn’t even completely sure what she had just said meant.

“I don’t think I want you to leave, either.” Peridot breathed, staring back at her.

It was like they were in a daze. Neither of them really knew what was going on, just that they craved each other’s presence just as much as the person before them.

Lapis had never really dealt with what she was feeling now. She wondered if Peridot shared those feelings, and if she could explain them to her. Maybe she would, eventually.

Their words hung in the air for a bit, the two girls just openly gazing at each other. Finally, Peridot broke the silence.

“Do you,” she started nervously, pausing to clear her throat, “do you want to go and… get breakfast, or something?”

“Yes.” Lapis breathed.

Peridot nodded, and Lapis smiled, and then they walked outside into the hallway together, side by side.

They stayed that way, Lapis on the left and Peridot on the right, as they walked through campus together, and as they waited for the bus.

Once they had boarded and sat down, Peridot and Lapis began to loosen up. Peridot’s expression returned to its usual glower as she got out her smartphone and checked her messages. Lapis’ stayed neutral as she shifted her gaze back and forth between Peridot’s face and the moving colors of buildings and vehicles blurred outside the window behind her. She was unable to choose between staring at the scenery, or staring at the one person who had decided to dive headfirst into her life without a second thought, and without, so far, choosing to jump right back out.

 


	4. a quick contemplation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short, sorry for any mistakes in this, and IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! ;U;   
> i was without internet and my laptop for a while..  
> thank you guys for all your wonderful comments they are so sweet and they're probably the only thing that makes me actually want to write. you're all so nice ahh  
> anyways, here it is !

Peridot was not like Steven.

Peridot was grumpy and shy, while Steven was always optimistic and loud. Peridot hated talking to people, and even when she wanted or liked something, she refused to admit it. Steven, on the other hand, loved people, and he was very open about his feelings.

Steven was a boy and Peridot was a girl. They were both very attractive. Cute. Lapis liked Steven’s curly hair and his big nose and his huge smile when he did that loud, dorky laugh of his. But she also liked Peridot’s freckles, her eyes, and the way she could just barely tell that she was blushing by the colors in her cheeks enriching to a dark red, and the way she bit her slightly chapped lip when she was embarrassed.

Lapis didn’t get it. The two people she was close with were very different.

But they were also very much alike.

What Lapis couldn’t figure out why she felt differently about them, or just what that different feeling was. They were both very dear to her, but there was something else she felt when Peridot came to mind. Something strange.

Peridot and Lapis had gone out to eat together at the Big Donut that Saturday. Though the academy provided meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the students to purchase, nobody really liked the food. And the two of them didn’t want to have to come across Jasper or any of her gang. They had talked and ate, and gotten to know each other some more. Lapis was into books and movies and Peridot was into music, video games, and coding.

Lapis had a lot of fun trying to tick Peridot off. It was funny, since she got upset so easily.

Afterwards, they had gone back to the dorm building. They both awkwardly stood outside Peridot’s door for a while, not wanting to say goodbye (although Peridot wouldn’t ever admit that). Lapis had suddenly gotten an idea and sprinted to her dorm. She came back with a book titled The Book Thief and shoved it into Peridot’s hands. Lapis told her that they should try doing something the other person liked doing, “it would be fun!” she had said. Peridot had glared down at the book, mumbled about how it looked stupid, and then walked into her dorm. She walked back out with some handheld game and gave it to Lapis. She said she should play the game inside. Lapis took it, and was confused at first how to use it. Peridot had sighed and smacked her hand to her face before showing Lapis that she had to _open_ the DSi, obviously. Then she threatened that Lapis would be “in big trouble” if she happened to break her things. On Monday during lunch they would meet up to study, and they would actually have something to talk about this time.

That had made it easier to say goodbye.

After playing the game for half an hour (a Pokémon game – she had a pet fire anteater thingy she really liked, it followed her character around, and she thought it was cute), Lapis was now laying in her bed, contemplating what is was that she felt for Peridot.

She kept trying to compare Steven and her, what they had done together, and what they had done differently. Then Lapis had a better idea – why not think about what she enjoyed doing, and what she _wanted_ to do with them?

Lapis liked playing with Steven, and she liked making dumb fart jokes with him and goofing off. At the same time, Lapis liked being around Peridot, although it didn’t really matter what they were doing. Now that she was being nice to her (as nice as Peridot could get, it seemed), it was fun to bug the girl. She got annoyed so easily. It must not have bothered her _that_ much, since she kept putting up with Lapis that day. It seemed like she actually liked her.

At least that’s what Lapis kept telling herself.

Oh! That was something – Lapis worried about what Peridot thought of her a lot. Much more than she did with Steven. It was hard to feel like he didn’t like her, because he liked everybody, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. She owed a lot to Steven. He may not know it, but he really gave Lapis a reason to keep on living.

Lapis never _really_ questioned her and Steven’s relationship, but she did question hers and Peridot’s a lot. Maybe it was because Peridot had only just become friends with her, so she wasn’t really sure about her yet. But it didn’t feel like that.

Lapis would be crushed if Peridot suddenly decided she didn’t like her again. They had been friends and done… _friend stuff_ for only two days. What if she didn’t actually want to help keep her safe? What if she decided not to be there for her? It would feel like she had abandoned her.

_She would be abandoning me, I guess._ Lapis thought. _I need her, and I need help, Jasper might…_

She had to end that train of thought – all the worrying had her stomach twisted up in knots already. Lapis felt herself starting to get hot and shaky. She needed to stop thinking like this. Besides, that didn’t have much to do with what she was actually trying to figure out.

Instead, she got back on topic.

Lapis didn’t think she’d ever felt this way about anyone before. And because of that, she had to think outside the box. She had to stop distracting herself from the topic –  it was like she was keeping herself from thinking about it.

She found herself imagining her and Peridot sitting next to each other on the bus, like they had that morning. She decided she would let herself daydream about it, and then imagine a situation like that where she was sitting next to Steven for a while. Then, she would compare them. There was sure to be differences, she just had to avoid falling asleep.

After a moment, she was able to picture Peridot in her head.

She closed her eyes.

_Lapis was sitting beside Peridot, on the bus. She could see the sunlight reflecting off of her flaxen hair and her slightly chapped lips. Peridot was cussing loudly about some game on her smartphone she wasn’t winning, glaring down at the piece of technology mentioned. Lapis rolled her eyes, then smirked. She had an idea._

_Lapis reached out, slipping her arm under Peridot’s and covering up the screen with her hand._

_“Lapis!” Peridot shrieked, lifting the smartphone up out of the way of her hand._

_But it was too late – her little character had already died._

_“Augh, what the hell?” Peridot snapped, biting her lip. She looked at Lapis. “What was that for?”_

_“You’re taking that way too seriously,” Lapis chuckled._

_Peridot sighed and tapped New Game. She lost again after a few seconds, muttering a curse._

_“…Here,” Lapis said, “Let me try.”_

_Peridot glared at her, hesitating. But since it was Lapis’ daydream, she eventually handed her the smartphone._

_Lapis took it, and started the game. Peridot scooted closer to her so that their thighs were touching, looking over her shoulder. Lapis felt her cheeks get hot at her touch._

_Lapis made it past the part of the game Peridot did, easy. When she made it to the bit Peridot had been stuck at, she tapped the screen at the right times, managing to make the jumps. Peridot gasped in her ear, and Lapis could feel her shoulder press against her._

_“How did you – !? Wait, give it here. I wanna win for myself.”_

_Lapis grinned and passed the phone back to Peridot, although she stayed pressed against her. It gave her this weird, longing feeling in her chest, which was –_

“That’s it!” Lapis whispered, opening her eyes.

That feeling in her chest. It felt like how you feel when you really, really want something.

_But…_ Lapis thought. _It felt… weirdly… Pleasurable?_

It felt _really freaking good_ when Lapis felt Peridot touch her. Not that she didn’t like just being around Peridot in general and talking with her and stuff, but she still got that feelingwhen she came in physical contact with her. And she enjoyed it. A lot.

_Is it… sexual?_

_N-no…_ Lapis thought, shaking her head. She closed her eyes.

She didn’t think she really had ever felt like she wanted sex from anybody.

To be sure, she imagined the same situation, but with Steven. The same positions, the same touching…

But no tension, no yearning – that was definitely the difference in what she felt for the two of them. Lapis wanted to touch Peridot, she wanted Peridot to touch her back — not sexually, just in general.

With this revelation, she excitedly slipped back into her daydream, not spending all that much time thinking on it seriously.

_Peridot was pressed against Lapis again, looking over her shoulder. Lapis made it past the spot in the game again, laughing in her victory. This time, Peridot didn’t say anything, just brushed her cheek lightly against Lapis’ neck. Lapis turned to look at her, finding that Peridot had been staring at her intensely. Confused, Lapis could only blink at her, not sure what to do or say. Her chest felt tight. Peridot slowly lifted a hand up to grab Lapis’ cheek and tilt her head. Then she leaned towards her, ducking her head in to press her lips against Lapis’ and –_

“Oh my god.” Lapis whispered aloud, lifting a hand up to her mouth. Her eyes were wise open again and her face was burning.

What kind of a pervert was she?

Wait, no. She wasn’t a pervert. It wasn’t anything sexual.

But still. She felt… _wrong._ Guilty. They had only been “friends” for literally two days, and here Lapis was, fantasizing about kissing her. Was she really just going to start getting feelings for any random person who happened to express somewhat of an interest in her? Just because Peridot was nice to her she was going to… what? Fall in love with her or something? That was pathetic.

But Lapis had never actually had a crush before. Not in middle school… definitely not during freshman year – and she never even went through a puppy love phase during elementary school. She definitely was never interested in boys.

But Peridot… Lapis was interested in Peridot.

This was probably a bad thing. A _very_ bad thing. Lapis doubted Peridot would _ever_ feel the same, especially not right now since they barely even knew each other yet. Peridot might not even like _girls._ Peridot might even have never liked anyone _ever_.

Just like Lapis used to.

She decided she would just have to wait and see. Lapis would try not to show it – she didn’t want to make Peridot uncomfortable. Maybe after a while those feelings would go away, and she wouldn’t have to worry about Peridot being weirded out or rejecting her at all. She wasn’t in _that_ deep yet, after all. Even though she was imagining herself kissing the girl… But she would just have to stop thinking like that!

Lapis would _never_ fantasize about Peridot again, because it was wrong. Plus, it would probably just make Peridot uncomfortable, and it was inappropriate to think of a new friend that way, _and_ Lapis did not deserve someone like Peridot having any romantic interest in her at all, ever. Even though Peridot was an ass, she was still a catch, but the fact that she was such a good catch just meant that Lapis was even less deserving of the girl. She should just stop, she had no right to be interested in her. Peridot deserved better, and Lapis deserved worse.

_Yeah,_ Lapis mused, rolling over, tugging the blankets up closer around her shoulders.

_She deserves better._


	5. a particularly angry librarian

Peridot had walked into the library on Monday to find a smiling Lapis Lazuli waiting for her. It was unusual, she noted, because normally Peridot would have arrived there first. She guessed their new friendship had had Lapis looking forward to their meetings. Friendship. That was a word she hadn’t used in a while.

The first thing Lapis did was excitedly ask how far Peridot had gotten into her book. Peridot was beginning to realize that Lapis didn’t exactly get _excited,_ really. She showed her emotions in a more reserved, sweet kind of way, as if she were shyly asking for permission to be nice to you.

“Erm—three chapters, I think.” Peridot said. She yawned as she set her lunch tray on the table. Her head hurt. It had been doing so since that morning.

“Only three chapters!?” Lapis exclaimed, incredulous. Her sweetness was completely eradicated by then. Instead of responding, Peridot just sat down in the chair next to her and placed her bag on the table. She grabbed a bag of chips from her lunch tray and tore it open, munching on the salty snack while avoiding looking at Lapis altogether. She stared, unfocused at a shelf of books in a bored manner. After a bit, Lapis seemed to realize Peridot wasn’t going to respond.

“That’s basically, like, one chapter since they’re so short!” Lapis whined, and Peridot felt her use one hand to tug at her shoulder. Annoyed at the unwanted touch, Peridot jerked around in her seat to face her. “Oh, come on! It doesn’t even matter.”

Lapis grimaced and recoiled, saying, “Ugh—oh, god, those chips smell horrible!”

She had let go of her shoulder, thankfully, but what she said had just ticked off Peridot more.

“How far did you get in the _game?_ ” she asked, although it sounded as though it was more of an accusation. However, Lapis didn’t answer and just kept shaking her head, her face twisted up in disgust. “Are those Cool Ranch or something?”

“Well, yeah, but—would you stop talking about the chips for a second!?” Peridot snarled, slapping the bag back down onto the table in her anger.

Lapis opened her mouth to say something (probably snotty) in response, but was cut off by a strict “Shh!” coming from the librarian, Sapphire, seated at her desk. The two shrank at the sound, and Peridot glowered down at the table, whispering, “Why don’t we just actually get some work done?”

“Fine,” Lapis mumbled, yanking her books out of her bag on the floor. She looked up at Peridot from under her lashes with narrowed eyes. “But I really can’t believe you only got that far…”

…

After a good ten minutes of studying, Lapis announced that she had to go to the bathroom. Seeing as the bell would ring in the next five minutes or so anyways, the two decided to just pack up right then. They did so and then made their way out into the hall. Lapis waved goodbye to Sapphire, who smiled and waved back. Peridot was yawning for almost the whole thirty-second walk to the girl’s restrooms.

Lapis smiled at her and hurried inside, taking the Styrofoam trays and their left over lunches with her so she could toss them. Peridot supposed she could just wait outside the bathroom for her. She leaned against the wall, sighing. She was still so tired, and her headache hadn’t gone away, either. The pain in her legs had her up almost the whole night before.

She relaxed, the cold of the wall seeping through the thin fabric of her shirt and into her back. It felt nice—there had been weather reports predicting high temperatures all that week, and Peridot wasn’t very happy with how hot it had been getting lately. Lapis had been talking excitedly about how she was finally getting to wear her cute “summer-y” clothes this week, but Peridot couldn’t agree with her. She was not a fan of showing her skin. Or lack thereof.

She let her eyes flutter closed, beginning to doze off. She _was_ really tired. Just as she was beginning to really nod off, she heard voices coming towards her from down the hall. Familiar voices. Loud, irritating, familiar voices.

 _Oh, are you fucking kidding me?_ She thought, wincing. Annoyed, Peridot opened her eyes and straightened her back. She crossed her arms and put on an even bitchier bitch-face than usual, and glowered at the wall on the other side of the hallway.

When Malachite and Jasper rounded the corner, Peridot didn’t even look at them. Their voices cut off—probably because they saw her—and Peridot could see them walk up to her out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey.” Jasper grunted. Peridot didn’t respond. She bit down on her cheek. Why the fuck would they think she would bother talking to them?

“Hey. Peri.” Jasper repeated, with emphasis on the last word. At the sound of the nickname, Peridot spun on her heel to face them, snapping, “Don’t call me that!” She sneered, squeezing her hands into tight fists at her sides.

“Heh, why not?” Jasper asked, jutting out her hip for a place to rest her hand. “That’s what I always used to call you.” She smirked, narrowing her eyes.

“Yeah, _used_ to call me.” Peridot was pissed off for real, but she still made sure to project her voice. She wanted to make sure Lapis could hear her, and was aware the two were outside the bathroom. She was pretty sure that they were looking for her—Peridot couldn’t think of any other reason for the two to be at that part of the school at that time. “In case you forgot, Jasper, we don’t talk anymore!”

“And why is that, Peridot?” Jasper asked.

“ _I_ know.” Malachite spoke up. She crossed her arms, glaring down at the ground, her nostrils flared. “Because you just cut yourself off from us. Without even letting any of us fucking know why.”

Well, she seemed as eternally pissed off as ever.

Jasper smiled at Malachite. “Yeah… cut off,” She repeated, turning back to Peridot. She winced.

Peridot took a deep breath and tried her best to calmly adjust her glasses. She felt the tension slowly ebb out of her shoulders as she relaxed. She needed to keep her cool. She looked up at Jasper, asking, “What do you want?”

Jasper answered with her own question, “Who are you waiting for?” Her gaze slowly shifted towards the entrance to the girls’ bathroom, narrowing in suspicion. Malachite looked up too, eyeing the bathrooms curiously. Peridot felt her heart plummet down to her stomach. She blinked at them openly for a moment, and then regained her composure.

“None of your business, Jasper.” Peridot said, raising her voice again, but keeping it level.

“Oh…?” Jasper said, smiling as she began to walk towards the restroom, Malachite following behind her. “But I think it _is_ my business.”

“No!” Peridot shouted, side-stepping with her arms raised so as to block the way.

Jasper blinked in surprise, stepping back reflexively. Then her expression hardened. She flipped her copious amounts of thick, light hair over her shoulder, and tilted her head backwards so she was looking down at Peridot. Or, at least further down than usual. She looked disgusted. It was as if she was asserting dominance. Malachite was standing behind her and—being taller than Jasper—was able to peek over her head suspiciously.

“Listen, Peridot,” Jasper snarled, her voice lowered. She began rolling up her sleeves threateningly and _oh shit she’s coming towards her what should she do._

Before Peridot could decide between fight or flight (or how she would manage to take Lapis with her because _no fucking shit she would rather just run_ ), they were interrupted by a very angry, very short woman bustling down the hall.

Sapphire looked _incredibly_ pissed. Her lip was upturned in a sneer and she had her hands fisted in the fabric of her skirts as she stomped up to them. She moved a lot faster than Peridot expected her to–she wasn’t actually sure if she had ever seen the woman walk _anywhere_ before. Ever. Peridot just knew that Sapphire was suddenly standing between her and Jasper with her finger jabbing into the former girl’s chest accusingly.

“What do you think you are doing!? What are you doing? I come out here because I hear screaming, and then I hear someone _yelling_ the word ‘No’, and I don’t know what she’s saying No to, but since _you_ two obviously don’t understand the meaning of the word, you better get your _asses_ out of my sight before I _beat_ the shit out of them!” Sapphire yelled.

She was absolutely _livid._ Peridot would later admit to Lapis that she was scared shitless. And so was Jasper, apparently, because she looked rather terrified at the time. Distressed, Malachite had gripped Jasper’s shoulders and was taking cover in the safety of the girl’s hair. Jasper spluttered at Sapphire for a moment, but Sapphire wouldn’t even let her speak—“Get out of here! What. Did. I. Just. Say. WhatdidIjustsay?”

It took Sapphire taking a few more threatening steps toward the two to get Jasper to finally snap out of it enough to spit out a “Yes, ma’am!” before they retreated hastily and awkwardly down the hall.

Sapphire took a deep breath, smoothed her skirts, and ran a hand through her hair while Peridot was busy totally-not-cowering behind her. Suddenly, the woman spun on her heel to face Peridot, her dress and hair twirling about her small figure. She stopped with a cute little bounce, looking directly at Peridot. She had a serene look on her face, and was smiling very convincingly. Peridot gulped, and she prayed to any and every god listening that Sapphire did not hear it.

“So. Are you okay?” Sapphire asked sweetly.

“Y-yes…” Peridot said in a small voice. She had never heard a staff member cuss like that before, and _at students._ She stopped to clear her throat, and then continued, stronger, “I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Good! Now, then.” Sapphire turned to look towards the restrooms. “You can come out now, too, baby.”

While Peridot raised an eyebrow at the sudden pet name, Lapis shyly stepped out into the hall. “Um, like she said… thanks.” Lapis said meekly, keeping her gaze locked on her feet.

“Oh, no problem!” Sapphire chimed, “You two don’t deserve getting cornered by those idiots.” Despite her sunny disposition, the last word came out dripping with malice. “They really need to change their ways,” she continued, “Perhaps the principle would like to hear about this little ordeal.” She mused, pressing her thumb to the bottom of her chin and tapping a finger against her cheek.

“Well, um, there’s no reason for that—“Lapis began sheepishly, but Peridot and Sapphire cut in at the same time, both voices just as urgent—“Yes there is!”

“Oh, um… Alright…” Lapis murmured, but her face was flushed and a small smile graced her lips.

 _Goddamn, she’s still so fucking weird sometimes,_ Peridot thought as she grabbed Lapis’ hand. She began to pull her down the hall, saying to Sapphire briskly, “Thanks again. Go ahead and write a report or whatever, we’d appreciate it. See you tomorrow.”

“Be safe!” She heard Sapphire call out. Lapis, trailing behind Peridot, waved.

Peridot kept walking, a firm grip on Lapis’ hand to tug her along. Jasper made her so mad. She couldn’t believe them—what were they going to do, anyways? Beat the two of them up? They come up to her, and they _mock_ her, and _they act like it’s her goddamn fault—_

“Um, Peridot?” Lapis spoke up.

“What?” Peridot snapped, not even bothering to look over her shoulder at the girl.

“This is—uh, you’re bringing me to the wrong classroom.”

Peridot stopped walking.

“I mean, I’m sorry,” Lapis said meekly, “I just thought I should tell you, because, y’know, we don’t have any classes together, and I’m sorry, but—“

“Oh, would you quit apologizing?” Peridot asked, turning so she could place her hands on Lapis’ shoulders and let her head droop between them. “I don’t get it. You never have anything to be sorry for.”

“…I’m sorry,” Lapis began, then hastily added, “Wait, no, I—“ but Peridot was already groaning, leaning down and pressing the top of her head against the other girl’s neck, because _shit it was just hitting her that Lapis was really fucking short_.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes. …My head hurts.” Peridot mumbled, stepping closer to press her face against her neck and pull the girl into an actual hug. She felt Lapis hug her back—one hand on the small of her back, and one tangling its fingers in her hair. She sighed contentedly (although it sounded grouchier than she wanted it to, like every single sound she made). Peridot admitted to herself that she really missed, y’know _,_ being friends with people, and, _y’know_ , actual human touch. She wondered for a second if it was selfish of her, or if she was taking advantage of Lapis—but it wasn’t like she didn’t hug her back—she just probably should have actually asked for permission first or something. Normally she would have felt weak or vulnerable for showing any sort of affection for somebody, but give the girl a break, dammit, it had been a rough night _and_ day for her.

“Hey, wait,” Lapis started. Peridot tilted her head up to make eye contact, which was a mistake because then she couldn’t keep up the I Need This attitude when reminded of the actual proximity between them, and instead had to quickly look away as she felt heat creep into her cheeks.

She could see Lapis blink at her out of the corner of her eye, before the girl continued, “I have some ibuprofen.”

Peridot shook her head, expression hardening, willing herself not to start shaking due to her nerves because they were still _hugging_ and _oh god why did she decide this was a good idea?_

“I don’t like medicine.” She forced out, taking a chance to peek down at Lapis’ face.

She was irritated to find the girl was laughing at her.

“What? You can’t swallow pills?” Lapis teased, giving a small, unimpressed shake of her head.

“I— _yes,_ I can swallow _pills._ ” Peridot spat, all embarrassment fading away as she glared down at the blue-haired jerk. “I just don’t like taking medicine.”

“Why not?” She chuckled, tilting her head in mock curiosity.

“I just don’t trust them!” Peridot snapped, just to suck in a breath as Lapis, still laughing, pressed her forehead against hers—eyes closed. However, Peridot’s were wide open as she stared openly at her, lips spread to make a little shocked ‘o’. She had no idea what the fuck to do, as a million different thoughts and emotions blasted through her head—the main one being a message from her brain telling her _Hey, it’s not a good idea to let somebody touch your forehead because I am In Here, trying to get stuff done and keep you Alive—_ but it was drowned out by multiple thoughts more along the lines of _Holy shit I thought she was going to kiss me._

But then the bell rang suddenly, making them both jump and interrupting Peridot’s inner turmoil.

Quickly, Peridot pulled away, averting her gaze upon feeling her face heat up again. People were starting to move through the hallways. When she looked back, Lapis was digging around in her bag to pull out a pill bottle. She twisted it open and dumped one out, grinning as she held it out to Peridot.

“I’m not taking that. Just go to class already.” Peridot grumbled.

Lapis just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear i'll start updating this more regularly (oh, who am i kidding? im horrible at multi-chapter works lmao)  
> ive finally started *really* hinting some stuff. (ahem even though the stuff im hinting at might actually be tagged//) and ill be hinting MORE stuff as we finally get to delve deeper into our characters Hearts and Souls as the story goes on!  
> for this, i am very excited  
> stay tuned for more dorky gays :D also probably some background gays. and by some i mean a lot. as much as i can quietly slip in without taking the focus completely off of our two main characters.


	6. an unbearable headache

Lapis and Peridot had quickly fallen into a routine throughout that week. The two would happen to leave their dorms at the same time, walk to the main building together, and eat breakfast. Lapis had managed to convince Peridot to sit with her, Steven, Connie, and Amethyst. Sometimes they would even go to the Big Donut together when looking for a change of atmosphere. They all got along pretty well—Steven with his never ending ability to slightly alter his actions and way of speech to appeal to an intended friend, and Amethyst’s ability to get into a pissing match with someone and come out of it with a newfound respect for the other party. Connie got along with her, even, mostly because Peridot was instantly filled with a horrible amount of guilt as soon as she said something even slightly rude to Poor, Sweet Connie.

After breakfast, they would go their separate ways for class, only to meet again at the library. They still studied, just with a lot more conversations (and nervous glances at the completely Cool and Collected librarian) sprinkled in. They would then part ways once again for their final classes, just to meet each other outside the main building afterwards. They spent most of their time outside of classes together. It just… happened. First they said good-bye at Peridot’s dorm, then they started going on long walks around campus together before retiring to their rooms in order to spend more time together Finally they just wound up hanging out in Peridot’s room almost every day of the week. It wasn’t as if they were otherwise busy. And they only distracted each other from their homework a little. Just a little.

Peridot _was_ her tutor, after all.

They had also been touching more. A lot. At first, Peridot began doing it without thinking—casually nudging her knee against Lapis’ under the table, standing so close when they walked that their shoulders were pressed together, tight—but she wasn’t completely unaware of Lapis’ response to the touches. Lapis had been nervous, fidgety—but seemingly not uncomfortable, because she didn’t move away. Peridot made sure she always had space to move away if she didn’t like the touching. Although that was also something she did that was like an instinct to her, and not directly thought about.

No, Lapis just steeled herself (sometimes with a flush in her cheeks), did her best to keep a steady voice, forced the shakiness from her hands, and stayed still.

Peridot noticed, but again, she didn’t really think about it much. It just felt comfortable to her. It felt _real._ Peridot had gone so long without a friend—isolating herself, closing herself off—that she craved the touch. No, her body itself craved it. She was hardly even aware.

It took Lapis a lot longer for the closeness to become natural. Peridot was almost always touching her somehow. Most people, when they saw them, weren’t aware of it. This was mostly due to the fact that it was constantly happening. At first, as stated before, it made Lapis nervous. But soon she got so used to the contact that she felt strange and incomplete when Peridot wasn’t touching her, and she had to initiate it herself. It was relaxing to them. It made them feel safe, even if Lapis was the only one who was really aware of that fact.

Not only were they constantly around each other in person, but they had also started texting a lot more often. They were given each other’s contact information by Opal when Peridot had first started tutoring Lapis, but they were now using it more and more. Either to talk of trivial things like what they were having for dinner that day or how far they had gotten in one of the videogames or books they shared with each other, or, in Peridot’s case, to make sure Lapis had gotten to her destinations safely.

It was Friday. And it just so happened to be one of those days where Peridot was exhausted.

It was partially her fault, really—she had stayed up late on her computer (a common mistake), just to wake up early in the morning like she usually did. She didn’t like showering while the other girls were around, so she wound up either doing so really late at night or really early in the morning. She probably only got a few hours of sleep. Plus, her legs had been hurting all day, which could only worsen her mood.

She didn’t see Lapis on her way out of the main building that day. She had nervously stood outside and waited for her, but she soon became all too aware of the eyes of other students on her. Normally she wouldn’t give a shit and just glare back, but the fact that she was waiting around for some girl (who seemed to have stood her up—but _really_ , can’t she call it that? It was an unsaid rule that they would meet each other there every day) had reduced her to a blushing agitated mess that resulted in her giving up within ten minutes or so. She just angrily stomped over to the bus stop to do some stress-eating at the Big Donut instead.

She had spent the whole day grumbling to herself about how _rude_ it was, how absolutely _unlike her_ that Lapis would not be around for her. It didn’t even occur to her that something could be wrong, despite that exact thought usually being her constant worry. But, that day, she managed to forget.

…

Lapis had been dozing off in the science classroom, barely aware of the two pairs of eyes boring into her back. She had gotten used to it. It wasn’t all that hard to avoid the trio—Malachite’s cold glare from a few desks behind her, Jasper’s coming from the left—and Sugilite, although she wasn’t much of a “stare-er”. She just didn’t need to use her gaze within her giant arsenal of intimidation tactics. Her booming voice and confidence-oozing composure was enough.

Usually, the author must reiterate, it wasn’t that hard to avoid them. Lapis basically just took off running as soon as she made it out the door, and lost them in a sea of other students. They didn’t chase her like they had the first time, but Lapis was well aware they still wanted to have a… _conversation_ with her. She was still scared, yes, but it had started to just become kind of an annoyance.

That day, though, she had forgotten.

Mr. Universe was relaxing at his desk as his students halfheartedly sat through another How It’s Made episode their teacher had found on the internet. Lapis was bored out of her mind, barely awake. She almost didn’t notice the bell ringing as everyone got up out of their seats. Dazed, she stood, gathering her things and heading for the door. As she stepped out into the hallway, she almost ran into someone. Mumbling an “excuse me” she attempted to sidestep them and go around. When they just moved in front of her again, she looked up at their face.

It was Sugilite, grinning down at her.

“I—“Behind her, Lapis felt a hand reach out and rest on her shoulder, followed by Jasper’s booming voice.

“Hey, Lapis. I’ve been needing to speak with you.”

And with that, all her sleepiness was gone.

…

“What do you want, Jasper? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Lapis spat.

Sugilite was leading the four of them—Jasper and Lapis behind her, with Malachite silently bringing up the rear. Lapis was barely paying attention to where they were going. She probably should have, but she was too scared to think straight. All she could do was be angry.

“Hey!” She said, taking a risk and aggressively knocking her shoulder against Jasper. “Are you going to answer me!?”

“Oh, calm down.” Jasper scoffed. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“You—what?” Lapis said, confused. Suddenly she couldn’t see anything, her eyes failing to quickly adjust to the harsh sunlight suddenly blazing down on her. Sugilite had thrown open a door, and Jasper had nudged Lapis outside with them. She blinked a few times, and when her pupils finally decided to cooperate, she realized she was outside the main building, through one of the side exits. It was a large expanse of grass, a place common place among friends or couples to meet up and talk. During class hours the teachers sometimes let the students out there to read on nice days.

There were people around. Lapis was expected something more private, like, maybe, a dark alley to get beaten up in?

“What… What—“Lapis spluttered, clearly confused.

Jasper rolled her eyes as she cut her off. Sugilite giggled beside her. “You’re so annoying. I can’t believe you managed to avoid me this whole time.” Jasper shifted her weight from one foot to the other, crossing her arms. Lapis jumped at the movement, bringing her hands up defensively. Jasper raised an eyebrow.

“Um…” Lapis awkwardly lowered her hands, feeling her face heat up. “What do you want exactly?” She spoke in a small voice, which she wasn’t very proud of.

“I _wanted,_ ” Jasper drawled, annoyance plain in her voice, “To apologize.”

Her words hung in the air for a moment as Lapis gaped at her. Then she exploded.

“What are you trying right now!?” She shouted, throwing her hands up, exasperated. “You _stalked_ me! You beat me up! And now what!? You stalk me _again_ to just give me that bullshit!” She was flailing her arms a bit and stomping her feet, fighting off the tears that often came to her eyes during fits of rage.

“How could you think this was a good idea? Freak me out and then, what, expect me to be all, ‘No!’”, Lapis began using an over-exaggerated, sweet voice, “’its _fine!_ It’s okay! You basically gave me PTSD and that’s okay!’” She took a few steps toward Jasper, eyes more serious than angry, although she kept her voice raised. “Really, though, what was the point of freaking me out again if you were just going to apologize? What the fuck is up with that? Am I even supposed to take this seriously?”

Jasper didn’t answer at first, just blinked down at the girl, wide-eyed and surprised. Sugilite tutted beside her. “Maaaybe not the best o’ ideas, huh?” she muttered, receiving a jab in the side from Malachite.

“Okay, fine. I should have made my intentions more clear.” Jasper allowed, sighing.

“No shit!”

“ _But_ , I’m not… asking for forgiveness,” every word Jasper said seemed empty to her, “I’m just… letting you know. That I’m sorry.” As she said so, Lapis thought she saw her shoot a glance back at Malachite, but she looked back so fast she was unsure.

Lapis examined her face. She knew Jasper wasn’t actually sorry, she was just saying so. Her eyes flicked to Sugilite, who wasn’t even paying attention anymore, staring with vague interest at a group of boys sitting in the grass. She had an arm hooked around Malachite, who was, Lapis noticed, staring directly at her almost the whole time. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to communicate with her eyes, or was just trying to intimidate her, she was so hard to read. She always seemed so hostile, and her gaze then was just as intense as usual.

“Whatever…” Lapis said as she turned back to Jasper. “Just… stay away from me from now on, alright? I don’t want to get mixed up with you again.” She sounded tired. She _was_ tired. She didn’t want to deal with these three anymore.

For a split second, Lapis thought she saw Malachite’s face soften before Sugilite suddenly stepped in front of her and blocked the view as she grabbed Jasper’s wrist. “Well okay! Now that _that’s_ over, we can bail!”

She began tugging Jasper and Malachite away from Lapis and the doors in order to skirt around the school. Jasper blinked at her before turning to Lapis and giving her a brisk nod, muttering, “Alright, fine,” before she was pulled away. When Malachite walked past, Lapis saw that she was once again glowering down at the ground.

Lapis watched them go, dazed. Then she groaned, resting her back against the cool surface of the doors behind her. She cupped her face in her hands and rubbed her forehead. Keeping her eyes covered with one hand, she reached into her bag and pulled out her phone, checking the time.

Great. She probably had even missed Peridot thanks to that.

…

As soon as Peridot got back from the Big Donut, made it to her dorm and closed the door, she essentially just kicked off her shoes, threw her bag to the side and dived into bed. A few hours later she woke up, _now with a migraine, damn this,_ and slung one arm over the side of her bed to dig around in her bag for her phone.

Once her fingers finally rested on the smooth surface of the device, she tugged it out of her bag and checked the time, blinking confusedly at the multiple unread messages to find that she had received while asleep.

_Hey Peri you wont belieeeeeve what absolute bullshit just happened_

_Peri_

_Hey_

_Ughhhh you’re obviously busy ig so I’ll just tell you ok_

_Jasper apologized to me today, but I don’t think she actually meant it. It was so stupid though! She’s been following me around all this time and now she says that like okay?? You? Make? No sense? But okay as long as you stay the heck away from me I guess_

_Ffffff where are youuuuu_

Peridot blinked down at her phone. It was hard to think with the headache and the bright screen and all. It took her a moment to process what exactly she had read. Finally, the words registered in her head, and she flopped over onto her back with a groan, partially shielding her eyes from the bright light with one hand while she tapped out a response with the other. There was a gross ball of guilt beginning to gnaw at her belly.

_dammit lap i should have gone looking for you god fucking damn im such an idiot_

_i mean im glad ur okay and stuff but shit honestly just fuck me im horrible_

Upon sending the guilt-ridden messages, Peridot desperately tried to tap at her screen until she managed to lower the brightness to something a little less blinding. She barely remembered herself pressing the phone to her chest and falling asleep again when she woke up to the buzzing in her hands half an hour later. As she awoke, she realized just how much more painful her legs were, and just how bad her migraine was. Just her luck to get both at the same time. It felt like her body was completely engulfed with pain. She didn’t notice that she was crying until she saw her tear-stained reflection in the screen of her phone as she lifted it up to her face.

_No no it’s fine really! Don’t worry about it everything worked out okay_

Peridot barely had time to think of a response before Lapis began typing out another one. She waited. It came.

_Are you busy tomorrow? It would be easier to talk in person and Steven kind of invited me to the beach too if you wanted to come with me_

Peridot let out a long, heavy breath, looking away from the bright screen, as it only seemed to make her head pound more. It took her a moment to gather her thoughts among all the pain in her skull to manage typing it out in one comprehendible line of text:

_i cant fucking think straight lapis im hurting so fucking bad right now_

It was marked as read within a second. The response came another moment later.

_What? What’s wrong_

_headache_

_Take some medicine!!_

_no_

_Do it!!_

_no._

Peridot sat up, wincing. It definitely wasn’t just her head that was bothering her. She swung her legs around so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She clumsily unzipped her pants, tugged them off and chucked them away from the bed. Then went her socks. As she leaned forward to reach for the button on her ankle, she glanced over at her phone buzzing.

_You’re so mean gosh why can’t you just take some meds I swear it’s like there’s nothing actually personal about it you just won’t do it for the sake of being difficult_

Peridot rolled her eyes, not bothering to respond as she continued what she was doing. It vibrated again, but she didn’t bother to look until she had both of them off.  She rolled over, entangling herself in the blankets on her bed. All she wanted to do was squeeze her eyes shut and _try_ to wait out her migraine and the other pain, but she thought should probably respond to Lapis first. At least end the conversation legitimately, in order to not be a _total_ jackass. Using one hand to rub at her knee, she used the other to take a look at her phone. Her eyes widened at the message. Panicked, she sat up suddenly, but it made her head spin. She slowly lowered herself back onto the bed, pressing one cool hand to her forehead, glaring down at her phone.

_That’s it, I’m worried and since I’m a good friend I’m coming over to make you take something. Or at least drink some water_

_no!_

_Yes!! I’m already coming over! To make sure you’re okay dang it! And you *will* take what I bring!_

_no!_ Peridot typed. Her discomfort from Lapis’ impending arrival and the pain that racked her body lead to hot tears slipping out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. Angrily, she wiped some of them away, before continuing to type, _seriously! dont fucking—_

And then she heard the knob on her door twist open, and somebody padded into the room.

...

As Lapis entered, her friendly yet concerned gaze swept across the room, eventually landing on Peridot, who was struggling to cover herself up to her neck with blankets. Then she covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut so as to not look at her.

Lapis blinked down at her for a moment, surprised. She seemed so much worse than she expected. Without thinking, she began to ask, “Are you crying…?” before trailing off as her words caused Peridot to wince. Frowning, she moved to the window and drew the shades shut completely so that it was at least a little darker in there for her. Then she turned to walk back to the bed. She tripped over something on the way, making a small sound in her surprise. She caught herself, glancing down at whatever it was that she had stumbled over.

It was a leg. Her eyes widened.

Well, no, it wasn’t a leg—it was a prosthetic one, at least. There was another one, too, on the ground next to it. Slowly, she shifted her gaze up to the girl on the bed. She was peeking at her, her tear-filled eyes small, green slits on her face. She was shaking and crying silently.

“Oh.” Lapis breathed, her voice small. She could clearly see the point at which Peridot’s two legs ended from the lumps in her blankets. _Oh._

Lapis didn’t realize how long she had been staring until Peridot finally broke and yanked the blankets up over her head, sobbing. Quietly, Lapis carefully stepped over the prosthetics and moved toward the bed. She sat on the edge of it, toward the bottom, as she reached into the bag she had brought with her. She pulled out a bottle of water and a rag she had stopped to wet at the bathrooms. Gently, she eased herself onto her belly next to Peridot, nudging her shoulder with her head. When Peridot didn’t respond, Lapis pressed a hand against her head, mostly to judge where she actually was under the blankets. She found the nape of her neck and took a moment to rub small circles against her skin. Then she tugged the blankets away from Peridot’s head.

Peridot only looked at her and sniffed. Then, letting out a cry, she clung to her—wrapping her arms around her waist and nuzzling her face into her neck.

“H-hey!” Lapis started, almost being knocked off the bed.

Awkwardly, Peridot pulled away, averting her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, scooting backwards.

“Hey, no…” Lapis trailed off. She pushed the things she was holding away from her, rolling over onto her side. She slipped one arm underneath Peridot, pressing a hand into the small of her back. She used the other to cup her face and brush away some tears, whispering, “it’s okay.”

Peridot just looked at her, eyes wide. She wasn’t crying anymore. She leaned into her hand, seeming to relax, and for a moment they stayed like that, Lapis with her tiny smile meeting Peridot’s tired, dazed expression. Then she cringed.

“Lapis, I still—“

“Yeah, I know…” Lapis whispered. She stroked her cheek, smiling, then slowly sat up. She reached for her bag, extracting a bottle of pills. She gave Peridot two, then held the water bottle out to her. Peridot didn’t complain this time. After she had taken the medicine, Lapis made sure she was comfortable. Peridot let out an audible breath as Lapis gently placed the cool rag over her forehead. She closed her eyes, although she looked just as uncomfortable as before.

Lapis sat back, sighing. “Is that…better?”

“Well,” Peridot began, then stopped. She opened her eyes, squinting up at Lapis. “My legs hurt.”

“Y…yeah?” Lapis tilted her head.

“It—it’s called phantom pain? They hurt. I mean—“Peridot shook her head a bit, annoyed that she couldn’t get her words out right. “When they do that I normally, y’know, massage them…” She sounded uncomfortable, like she was embarrassed to ask. Lapis just scooted deep under the sheets, twisting them in order to keep Peridot under the blankets yet still managing to keep her own head exposed, near the other girl’s belly. She reached down, finding the other girl’s thigh. Peridot jumped, muttering an annoyed, “Not there!”

“Sorry!” Lapis squeaked, more scared than embarrassed, as she shifted to feel lower. Eventually she found her stump. It felt weird. The scarred flesh and the lack of a leg itself was definitely something she had never seen (or felt) before. But it didn’t bother her. She started out gentle, barely pressing her fingers into the girl’s skin, until Peridot started complaining about it.

“I’m not a fucking cat, Lapis.”

“Jeez, you’re so mean!” Lapis whined, purposefully pinching her. Peridot jumped at the sudden pressure. “…I know,” she murmured. Lapis had expected her to snap again, but instead she just felt guilty.

She went back to work, starting on her right leg before moving to her left. It didn’t take long for Peridot to fall asleep. Lapis could tell from the slow rise and fall of her chest. She gently eased her head down to rest on the girl’s stomach, careful not to disturb her. The repetitive movements of her fingers pressed into the other girl’s skin had begun to lull her, too. Before she knew it, her hands had slowed down, until they had stopped moving completely. Her eyes felt heavy. So did the rest of her.

She shifted her head, pressing her nose into the blankets. She breathed in the familiar, comforting scent, feeling herself smile. What a nice place to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! right now i am even scrambling to upload it bc i wont have internet for a few days (ó﹏ò｡)  
> i didnt really get a chance to go over this so please point out any mistakes!! sorry for that, too!!  
> again thank you for reading my dumb story! your comments and kudos are very appreciated and mean so much to me! i really cant put into words how amazing it feels for y'all to have an interest in my silly fic! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑  
> (also reuploaded because i... messed up ig sorrrryyyy (＠´＿｀＠))


	7. fear the crab

Peridot was in the middle of a dream when she was pulled back into consciousness. It was a nice dream, albeit simple. She had just been pissing around with some girl while they were waiting for the bus. They hadn’t looked like anyone she knew or recognized, but their voice and mannerisms were familiar. They talked to her and had an arm slung over her shoulders. It was comfortable—it was nice. She didn’t know who they were, but they made her feel safe.

Then she began to feel movement at her side, her _real_ side, and soon after all she saw was the back of her eyelids. Annoyed, she pressed her cheek into her pillow, wanting to go back to the comforting dream and leave reality behind for a little while longer, but she soon realized that would not be happening. She was never any good at falling asleep when she wanted to.

Although, she thought she had fallen asleep pretty quickly last night.

Opening her eyes, she glanced down at her roommate. Lapis was clinging to her side with her cheek resting on Peridot’s belly. She was still asleep. She looked so _peaceful_ , lacking her usual every-day anxiety and nerves in her sleep, but Peridot needed to wake her up. Well, she could have just let her sleep, but Peridot honestly just didn’t want to.

She already had a hand pressing against her back, she realized, as she lifted it to nudge the girl’s shoulder. They must have fallen asleep like that. Lapis’ face scrunched up at her touch. Stubbornly, she tightened her hold on Peridot, nuzzling her face further into the sheets between her and Peridot’s stomach.

“Hey,” Peridot muttered, shaking her again, this time with more force. “Come on.”

Lapis groaned into the sheets, flopping over so that she was on the other side of the bed, between Peridot and the wall. She kept herself sprawled across her body. Groggily, she scooted upwards until she was close enough to rest her chin on her chest, arms on either side of Peridot’s body. She blinked down at her.

“I don’t want to.” Was the childish argument she mumbled out, abruptly going limp against her and pressing her face into her chest. Peridot sighed, gently taking Lapis’ jaw in her hand. She tilted her head, forcing her to look at her. Lapis just blinked at her sleepily, too tired to be embarrassed over the position they were in. Peridot just stared for a while, desperately searching for words. The realization of how thankful she was for Lapis’ presence last night overwhelmed her. She knew she would have felt like shit if Lapis hadn’t shown up, and if Lapis had reacted negatively to her prosthetics…

Annoyed with all the feelings, she ended her struggle by simply lifting her head up enough to bonk their foreheads together, murmuring a strangled “thanks” before essentially shoving Lapis off of her and sitting up. Lapis let it happen, groaning again.

Face burning, Peridot slung her legs over the edge of the bed, taking one of her prosthetics and its gel liner and socks from the ground. Quickly, she began to put them back on. It probably looked awkward as she needed to do it to both legs, but she was used to it. Peridot stood, easing weight onto her legs and rocking back and forth until she heard a _click_ from both. She walked towards her dresser, the sockets continuing to click with each step, falling silent after the fourth, in place. As she yanked open her drawers, she could her a faint squeak as Lapis shifted on the bed.

“So,” she yawned, arching her back in a stretch, “Do you want to go to the beach today?”

“Huh?” Peridot looked back at her as she lifted a t-shirt out of the dresser.

“Remember?” Lapis blinked. “I invited you last night. Over text.”

Peridot just stared blankly, trying and failing to remember the texts she had sent her the night before.

“Eh,” Lapis chuckled sheepishly, “that is…” She tilted her head. “If you want to.”

“Y-yeah.” Peridot agreed, despite the fact she still couldn’t remember her asking. “Sure. I’d love to.” Her voice was flat, unable to conjure up emotion to go with it in her confusion. Lapis looked puzzled, but she smiled weakly at her response. Peridot turned back to the dresser, snatching up a pair of shorts, hiking them on quickly.

She hadn’t been wearing pants the whole time, but it didn’t faze either of them.

She yanked her shirt off over her head. Not bothering to change her bra, she threw on the fresh tee she had picked. She walked back towards Lapis, who had averted her gaze, staring at the wall thoughtfully. Peridot pulled her hair out of the messy bun she had slept with, saying, “I need to shower. And put on a clean gel liner.”

Lapis turned, looking confused. “Gel…? Line… What?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, alright,” Lapis said, hopping off the bed. “I need to shower too…” She tapped the tips of her index fingers together shyly, looking up at Peridot through her lashes. “Can I borrow your stuff again?”

Peridot rolled her eyes, “Yeah, sure. Just don’t make that face.” She spun on her heel, heading across the room to grab her shower things as well as a change of clothes for Lapis.

“What?” Lapis sputtered, offended. “What face?”

“Your…” Peridot waved her hand, searching for the words to describe it. “Begging… face.”

“Begging face!?”

“Yeah. It’s like you’re giving me puppy-dog eyes. It’s not necessary.” Peridot chuckled, shaking her head as she turned to plop the clothes into Lapis’ arms, who almost dropped them because she wasn’t ready. _Not to mention cute._ Despite her scoffing, Peridot was a little weak for those eyes deep down, but she wasn’t going to let that show.

Lapis glared. “You’re making fun of me.”

 “Yep.” She reached out to pat her head, smirking. Lapis narrowed her eyes.

Suddenly, Lapis bent over, stepping forward to ram her head into Peridot’s stomach. Peridot let out an “Oof!” at the head butt, keeling over with a hand pressed to her belly as Lapis scampered out the door. She quickly recovered, though, shrieking barely coherent curses as she charged after the escapee. “Can’t catch me!” Lapis chimed, leading the way in their race to the showers. She blew a mocking raspberry over her shoulder at her as she went.

Despite her competitive rage, Peridot found herself smiling. Their bickering never seemed to end in any hard feelings, they enjoyed it. It was fun. Lapis never would have been able to be so open around her before now.

…

“You still want to meet up with them, right?” Lapis asked.

Peridot and she were walking down the boardwalk, shoulder to shoulder. Peridot was licking an ice cream cone, while Lapis’ hands were empty because she had already devoured hers. The former glanced down at her, lapping at a stray line of vanilla soft serve as it made an escape attempt down the side of the cone.

“Yeah. Sure.” Her words were clipped, but it wasn’t because she had any problem with it, she just didn’t really mind either way and had trouble showing any emotions when she wasn’t screaming in triumph or consumed by needless rage. Lapis had gotten used to that, thankfully, so she understood. It was nice to not have to explain every single emotion Peridot was having when it happened to not be showing on her face.

Lapis, however, was an open book.

“Even though they’ll be able to see them?” She asked innocently. Her eyes were wide and curious—there wasn’t a single hint of second-hand embarassed or judgement in her expression—she seemed to legitimately just be asking a question, to make sure her friend was completely comfortable.

Peridot smiled fondly, gently using her free hand to ruffle Lapis’ hair as they walked.

“Hey!” Lapis laughed, swiping at Peridot’s hand. When she moved away, she smiled, running her fingers through her hair to fix it.

“I’ll be fine.” Peridot said, turning her gaze back to the path ahead of her.

“Good! ‘Cause I think I can see them.”

Up ahead, the boardwalk widened into a small area filled made to seat any visitors of the café alongside it. At one of the tables sat Steven, Amethyst and Connie. Steven and Amethyst were talking excitedly about something, while Connie relaxed and watched those who passed by. She saw Lapis and Peridot and, grinning, waved them over.

Peridot hesitated (she herself wasn’t entirely sure why), but Lapis grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the trio.

Steven glanced up, seeing Connie’s movements, and his eyes landed on Lapis. He called her name, waved a few times, and then hopped right out of his seat to meet them midway.

“Hey!” he laughed, “I’m glad you two could make it!” He glanced down at their hands (which were still linked together) but didn’t show any recognition. Instead, he met Peridot’s gaze.

“Hey Peridot,” he said, voice lowering into a more teasing tone as he quirked an eyebrow, “Nice shirt.”

Peridot’s grip tightened on Lapis’ hand, who squeaked. Her ice cream cone in her other hand was crunched a bit as she tried to form a fist to shake at him. “What’s that supposed to mean!?” she shouted, “It’s a completely normal shirt!”

It was. It was literally just a plain black shirt.

“Well… Maybe it’s _your_ kind of _normal shirt…_ ” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders as he turned away, mockingly uninterested.

“Why, you…!” Peridot started, livid. Her ice cream cone crunched again, and she winced. Angrily, she messily stuffed the rest of it into her mouth as she stomped after him, pulling Lapis along. She was trying not to laugh.

“Oh!—by the way!” Steven said, plopping into his seat next to Amethyst and Connie. Amethyst raised her hand in greeting while Connie was looking at the other beach-goers again.

“Garnet and Pearl are coming soon too, so I hope you don’t mind.” He grinned, looking back and forth between the two for their approval.

“Yeah, that’s fine, I think.” Lapis said, shyly releasing Peridot’s hand as they both sat down. Peridot nodded when Lapis turned to her to make sure she agreed. She was busy trying to wipe ice cream off of her hands.

They were all silent for a while. Connie cleared her throat awkwardly. Steven seemed to not realize that the quiet had been dragging on.

“So… Do you guys wanna’ go down to the water now, or what?” Amethyst asked, sounding bored at first but her excitement shining through the question as she glanced at Steven, who brightened even more at the idea. He nodded a few times, and then they both leapt out of their chairs and charged toward the beach, flinging themselves over the railing that separated the boardwalk from the sand.

Lapis stood to follow them, then paused. Peridot was scowling down at the table, tracing the cracks with her fingertip. Lapis sighed, then nudged her shoulder.

“Come on, you dork, I know you want to go hang out with them,” she said, tilting her head as she smiled.  Peridot groaned, although Lapis was definitely right. She stood and began to walk off, stopping when she noticed Lapis didn’t follow. She didn’t turn, but she could hear her talking to Connie behind her.

“Are you alright? You want to go too, yeah?”

“Oh! Um...”

“What’s the matter?”

“I just… don’t want to…. In front of a lot of people… do… _that_.”

Peridot didn’t see her point, but she knew she was referring to the scene Amethyst and Steven were making in front of her. They were knee-deep in the sea, still wearing their clothes, splashing and tackling each other. And laughing.

She heard Lapis chuckle. “They do look silly, don’t they?” Her voice was soft. “But we’re all going to be doing it. And there’s nobody around but us. No one is going to think you’re strange if you’re having fun.”

Peridot stared as Amethyst gasped, cupping her face in her cheeks. She rushed out of the water and onto the sand, falling to her knees with her back to the surf. Steven froze, his head tilted, confused. Then Amethyst spun around, a tiny crab in her hands. Peridot could hear her malicious laughter from where she stood as she charged, holding it out towards Steven.

“No! Amethyst, it’s gonna pinch me!” He laughed, struggling to avoid her. They were running around each other in circles, Steven seemingly being louder than Amethyst, which was a shock.

“It’s just a crab, you dummy!… Although…” She stopped for a moment, gazing down at the animal in her hands quizzically. Slowly, she lifted her head to look at Steven. “She’s gonna get youuuu!” She called, running at him again and taking him off guard.  

“No! Wait! Amethyst, no!”

_Some people might think they look strange._ Peridot thought.

“So don’t worry.” Lapis continued behind her. “You don’t have to feel bad for doing something you want to do.”

Connie must have nodded or shown some form of agreement, because a moment later she was hopping over the railing to go meet Steven and Amethyst. Peridot followed, although she only leaned her arms against the railing, slouching and resting her chin on her forearms as she watched.

“You don’t want to go?” Lapis asked, walking up next to her. She turned, leaning her back against the railing instead, looking up at her.

“Well, I can’t get these wet, remember?” Peridot mumbled into her arms, glancing down at her.

“Oh! Yeah. I remember.” Lapis said, smiling. She cast her gaze up to the sky. “You had to take them off when you were in the shower.” She paused, shivering. “That was awkward…and scary…”

“Only because you walked in on me!” Peridot snapped, jerking her head to glare at her.

“Eh heh, I didn’t have any shampoo and I didn’t think you would be undressed that fast…” She said, sheepishly rubbing at the back of her neck. “You didn’t need to throw the bottle at me though…” she grumbled.

“It was a reflex!”

Lapis nodded a few times to show that she had given in. Peridot relaxed.

The invasion of her privacy forgotten, she cast her gaze out to the three kids in the water. Amethyst was shouting, ripping her shirt off to reveal her bikini underneath, and diving into the surf with her shorts still on. Connie was struggling to get her sundress off over her head, and when she did, Steven walked up to take it from her, saying something with a grin. Connie smiled and nodded. He spun on his heel and jogged up to Peridot, standing on his tip toes to hold the dress up to her.

“Peridot, can you put this somewhere please? It’s her dress and it’s nice and it’s pretty and I don’t want it to get all covered in sand!” He said, eyes wide, set on keeping his friend’s dress clean (which was pretty plain looking, in Peridot’s opinion). What a gentleman.

“Uh, yeah. Sure, kid.”

“Hey, don’t you go calling me that—“he began, the teasing lilt back in his voice, but Peridot cut him off.

“Yeah, yeah, just go…” She waved her hand dismissively. “Play with the local crustaceans, or whatever.”

His eyes lit up at the idea. “Okay!”

He turned, yanking his shirt off over his head before tossing it aside and splashing into the surf in his swim trunks. Lapis watched him over her shoulder, smiling.

Peridot stared. She stared at the way he yanked his shirt off by grabbing it from the back, and the way his shorts fit loosely around his body. She glanced down at the sundress in her hands, folded up by the boy she was previously observing. Peridot rested a hand on top of it, feeling the texture of the fabric. She glanced upwards at the owner of the sundress, currently donning a one piece. The fabric clung to the girl, vaguely accentuating the slight curvature of her body. Peridot had a swimsuit like that.

She looked back at Steven, shirtless. He didn’t have the types of curves Connie and Peridot did, and his swimsuit only hung there, meant only to cover, not to show off his designated-at-birth masculine traits. He didn’t have breasts like they did. His soft belly didn’t have the hourglass-shaped edges.

Peridot was jealous

It always seemed to happen when she saw a bare chest. Sometimes, she just wanted to be something else.

“Lapis, do you ever… sometimes…” She trailed off, shifting her gaze down to the sundress in her hands. Gently, she ran her fingers along the fabric. Lapis looked up at her, blinking, surprised at her sudden seriousness. Oh god, why was she saying this. The feeling would pass, it wouldn’t last anyways. But…

She _really_ needed to talk about it. At least once. She had never been able to express her feelings about it before. She needed to. Peridot looked down, meeting her gaze.

“Do you ever feel like you’re a boy?”

Lapis blinked up at her. Peridot felt her ears go red.

She didn’t know what to do, so she just pressed her face into the dress in her arms and groaned loudly for a good thirty seconds. Lapis tried to console her, patting her back and saying a few things in an urgent voice Peridot couldn’t hear over her own embarrassment. Then, one of them cut through.

“I don’t think it’s weird!”

Peridot froze. Slowly, she lifted her head up, peeking out from the fabric.

“You don’t?”

“No,” Lapis said, sounding relieved. “I don’t.”

“Even though it’s not… constant?” She tilted her head, her voice small.

“Yes,” Lapis assured, resting a hand on Peridot’s shoulder. “You said sometimes, right?” She smiled. “Some people change a lot. I read about it online when I realized most people actually want to have sex with other people.”

Peridot blinked. “Huh?”

“Mm, that sounds weird out of context, huh… It’s a gender thing. What you’re talking about is, at least.” She said, patting her shoulder.

“Well, I know that.” Peridot chided. “It’s just… it bothers me. A lot.” She looked away, not wanting to elaborate any further.

“Huh…” Lapis trailed off. Then she brightened, saying, “Why don’t we go shopping?”

“What?” Peridot asked, glancing back at her. “Why?”

“We’ll get you some boy’s clothes!” She grinned. “If that makes you feel any better. You don’t have any, right?”

Peridot nodded. It was a good idea.

“Right!” She continued, tapping her shoulder a few times in her excitement. “We can go tomorrow, maybe. It’ll be a da—“Lapis blanched. It was as though she had been stabbed. She was even shivering a little bit at the mess-up.

“I’ll pretend I didn't hear it.” Peridot said casually.

Lapis shrank, bracing herself against the railing. Weakly, she said, “We can… get you some nice outfits tomorrow… if you want…”

“Alright. I’d, uh—I’d appreciate it.” God, saying thanks in any way always felt so god damned uncomfortable. She didn't get why Lapis was still being so weird about it, though. She guessed it was because she was still shy or something. Yeah, that had to be it. She was still shy around her. What a dork.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah thats right, genderfluid peridot. figh t m e =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))  
> dang it i meant to post this yesterday but im here a day late i am SO SORRY (ノ´ロ`)ノ  
> as always thank you so much for commenting, bookmarking, leaving kudos and dealing with my shamefully slow updates!!  
> ˉ̞̭(′͈∨‵͈♡)˄̻ ̊ you guys are the best!!  
> (btw if u were wondering theyre still not done hangin at the beach garnt and porl havent shown up yet!! also a secret special suprise character ;O once i finally update.. u will see.... once that finally happens orz)  
> also! if i ever write or have written anything problematic please let me know! i do not have any prosthetics, and although i am a form of genderfluid, i am young and naive! i tried to make these characters very diverse so if i am showing/ever show a disabled/queer/etc character in an offensive or inaccurate way please contact me about it!!  
> i didnt proofread this lol My Apologies For Any Errors  
> check out my [tumblr](http://www.dewbrry.tumblr.com/) uwu (spoilers: its horrible)  
> (((THIS CHAPTER TITLE IS SO DUMB OMG SOMEONE TAKE MY KEYBOARD AWAY FROM ME)))  
> thank you sm for reading!! ♡♡♡


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